A VIETNAM VETERAN’S REFLECTIONS ON SACRIFICE AND REGRET

Some equate military service with heroes and warriors of incredible strength, skill, and meaningful objectives. They view Marines, Navy Seals, Airborne, and Special Forces units as the ultimate U.S. fighting soldiers.

 It is one thing to watch actors perform death-defying feats, become injured, and die on film. However, they will rise from the wounded and dead following the scene. In combat, every part of the human body and mind comes under attack without regard to the outcome. The mission succeeds if the line remains unbroken, and injury and death remain acceptably low.

 I have often considered the answer to the question, “Would you trade the good life for serving your country?”

 More than 55 years later, I will think of my time on Vietnam’s battlefields, pausing with some memory. I will nod and express thanks and honor for the brothers at whose sides I once stood. I will thank them for putting “it” all on the line in protecting my life and standing fast to their oaths and duty during the severest existential circumstances.

 I will never accept the deaths and injuries of so many brothers. We did our best and sacrificed our all to obey the orders of our superiors, only for everything given and nothing gained. And yet, the civilian population in the U.S. treated us with contempt and disrespect upon our return.

 Although my buddies and I did our best, we always regretted not doing enough. I could not help the boy who slept beside me in the jungle’s muddy waters who committed suicide. I regret the way I treated my loved ones because of the rabid PTSD before I realized something was very wrong with me and went for help. It allowed me to live a semblance of the dream I kept in my heart through the darkness of the war.

 I visualize the names on the Memorial Wall in Washington and remember how my knees buckled when I reached up to touch them. I could not control tears when I attended the funeral of the first of the team to die and the sorrow that accompanies holidays honoring our fallen heroes.

 It is not a complaint I manifest, but instead, my inner self crying out from the pain I still carry. It signifies the sadness in my heart, resurfacing to strike a chord of a life once lived as a young man where solace and repentance are forever lost. It is another piece of Vietnam I carried home.

 The Vietnam Uncensored book launch is just weeks away, in early November. I invite you to join the event by visiting the Vietnam Jerry site. You will get to read the first chapter and listen to the fantastic ghost story of Corporal Cummings. It will also make you eligible for the discounts, giveaways, and prizes. All proceeds will go to the Kaufman Fund – a charity helping veterans in need. Thanks.